Blessing, or not?

I sometimes wonder if my near miss of being made redundant is a blessing. Obviously, with the current economic crisis where everyone is losing their jobs, I should be happy that I still am in paid employment. However, this also means that my workload has increased considerably. Everything is urgent nowadays and has to be done by hook or by crook. At least if I’m made redundant, I have my redundancy package to last me till I found another job.

It seemed easy what ‘theorists’ say in their supposedly enlightening write-ups on dealing with stress – but if you are in that position, you’ll feel like crying. You feel like jumping down from a tall building or scream your hearts out in an enclosed room. And, you feel like what the heck, I am just going to resign and won’t give a damn anymore. If I liked, I can even forgo my one month’s pay and leave ASAP.

But, can we do so? Can we really leave our colleagues in a lurch? There’s a silver lining in every dark cloud and I am so fortunate to say that I have understanding colleagues and line managers. Well, of course, they may not be perfect and would sometimes get on my nerves, but they could be worse, couldn’t they? And, how would I know if I am not jumping from the pan into the fire? Other companies might not be so good.

This are the times when I wonder why on Earth we need to work our asses off. Why couldn’t I just be contend with a relaxing stress free job like an admin assistant who goes home on time every day? Why did I commit myself to a postgraduate course if I am not aspiring for higher positions? Why?

This week has been hectic. Just returned from a business trip in Brunei and already my email account is flooded with various requests. Deadlines on this and that for our next expo are up and everyone seem to be asking me so many whys. How do I know why? I wanna know why, too.

I wanna know why people from other offices can rest idly while we work like nobody’s business for 12 hours a day. Why are we doing their work. Why they are paid more than us even if we are doing their work. Why is there crap on work-life balance when things need to be done by hook or by crook. Why can’t requests come in batches rather than coming altogether at once. Why do people think we don’t have anything else to do. Why….

I really feel like crying

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