My mom brought up (yet again) the other day that this particular cousin of mine (who has been dating quite a number of different girls, not more than one at the same time though) has broken up (again) with his girlfriend. He is much older than me (3 years or more perhaps) and yet has not settled down.
It might be quite usual, you say, but for a Chinese boy from a very traditional family, it is not the norm. The mother, obviously had been speaking to mine, was very eager for him to tie the knot, reproduce asap and she lives happily ever after with her grandchildren. And she is wondering what’s wrong.
What’s wrong, if you ask me.
I say the problem lies with my cousin. Yes, my cousin.
Well, to those who are well-read and open minded enough, we should realise that the problem shouldn’t always lie with the girl, but if he has gone thru so many relationships and none of it leads anywhere, the problem might just lie with the boy, right?
And, he isn’t bad looking, I tell you. And he is also an engineer by profession. Dun pray, pray, huh!
The reason I gave my mom was, I think, he tend to choose the girls that are not right for him. Well, the last one he was with is a dentist, so, she should be good enough for him and then the one before this dentist was the sweetest girl you could find.
So, why didn’t they work out?
A little bit of history and background here. The boy comes from a very traditional Chinese family, only son, parents reside in a small town out of KL. I knew the mother as one who would believe fully on Chinese superstitions that very few would even practise nowadays. The son is extremely filial, always puts his mother first.
Of course, I don’t mean that being filial isn’t good, but would you really want to marry a mummy’s boy? And knowing that you will always come second? ‘Course not!
No girl, who have been exposed to higher education and working in the corporate field, would want to choose someone like that. It’s basically suicide.
I know I’m being a bit discriminatory here, but I think I am just being realistic. Love being blind exists only in movies. In real life, when you marry someone, you marry their whole family, too. You need to live with whatever crap the family comes with.
So, I thought that it must’ve been because of incompability that they split. Arguments on moving out, living as a couple, etc.
I suggested that he should look for a girl from a traditional family instead. Someone who is willing to stay home and take care of his family (and mom) and agree to be the ‘traditional’ daughter-in-law. Believeme, they still exist!
Another cousin of mine (from the same town) actually married one. He is very, very successful. And when I mean very successful, that says that he has a Benz, a CRV for his wife and quite a number of houses. And because he is from a traditional Chinese family, he expects his wife to be a filial house wife.
This girl is someone like what you’ll find in those pre-war Chinese movies, saying nothing much, doing most of the housework and fussing over the husband and son all the time. Heck, she even came to clean the house BEFORE she married her husband (my cousin)!
And this is exactly the type of girl he (the first boy I was talking about) should look for. No offense to anyone, but to me, you’ll really need to be compatible before you marry each other.
I was voicing my thoughts to mom that I think he must’ve been quite choosy – being a graduate himself, he wants a wife who is one, too. Whom he can tell his friends that she is someone who has a university degree. But, is there anyone out there who would want to comply to his rules?
If there is, please contact me, I will introduce her to him. Seriously, he IS NOT bad looking.