Why me?

Have you ever thought why you were born as yourself? I mean, born into this life, this year, this country and in this situation? Or have you, at least once looked at your own life as another person? Sometimes I do.

It always happened at that moment when I was just about to doze off at night (also when I think about lots of things, worries, etc) that I tend to look at myself as another person. My mind would just position itself far away from my body and start to look at everything I do, like watching a stranger. It seems that my whole life is nothing but just an act and sometimes also I wonder if I understand myself at all. It’s like when you are looking at another person walking past and wondering what’s their life like, and why you were not born as that person. It’s like everyone around you are nothing but empty shells and life itself is ever changing.

Maybe the whole of mankind in this universe has their life pre-destined. Different people with different beliefs will argue of different ‘plans’ by their respective Gods for their life, and how it should end. But as for me, I always wonder if things happen for a reason and the impact of the ‘happening’ itself to mankind. Like, when someone dies or someone is born, somewhere and somehow, life is going to change and when one’s life changes, it will affect everyone around that person as well. Maybe, just maybe this in turn wil come to affect ourselves. Perhaps everything in this whole wide world is interlinked in a strange sort of way.

And have you ever questioned yourself why you were here? What impact will your existence (or non-existence) have to the poeple around you? It confuses me sometimes when I think of this. Really, don’t ask me why, but sometimes, I tend to think of weird things. Or maybe others have the same thought as well, I don’t know.

And sometimes I felt like I can’t believe that I am living life as myself, and the whole thing might just end abruptly. Scares me when I think of what will happen as I grow older, if I do end up being alone, or maybe I end up with no money (or with lots of money but got cheated) — well, call me a pessimist or whatever, but I do sometimes wonder….

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