When KK came home the other day, he mentioned something very disturbing. It wasn’t that I don’t realise it, I knew it all along and *had tried* very hard to change but it just comes out naturally.
I am very much like dad. Unfortunately, I am not very much like him in his good points but the very bad ones. KK sort of commented this to mom and mom agreed. (Well, although he is a bit of an annoyance for the past 24 years, but I guess I could trust him cos he is part of the family)
Anyway, dad and I have this very ‘bad mouth’ kind of attitude. We usually will ‘hurt’ people unintentionally (serious!) with our inconsiderate attitude. I think the problem is that I do not think twice before I lash out at people and this will hurt the people that we talk to. I don’t understand why this happens as well and I do not even realise it when it happens.
I also find that I am very impatient when I do things, I like doing them fast, complete them fast, etc.. And as a result, I make stupid mistakes (refer also previous entry)
I had always tried to tell myself to change, to take a deep breath and think before you say things, but it seems that it never worked well. I thought of some solutions but they seemed also hard to implement. Maybe I should stop giving excuses now and seriously do everything to change myself:
- put this as my new year resolution
- repeat this to myself every morning so that I won’t make the same mistake
- reflect all I have done before I retire to bed at night and hit myself hard if I make
- have a friend (or colleague, since they are the ones with me everyday) slap me at the back, or give me a cold stare if my mouth misbehaves
- meditate everyday (morning if working in afternoon and night if working morning) and try to clear my mind of any impatient thoughts
I hope that with all this in place, I would be able to change (or can I not?) cos I don’t wanna end up like dad – He is a bit irritating at times –